He Doesn’t Satisfy Me!

Dear Courage,

Sometimes my husband doesn’t satisfy me, sexually. What can I do?
Help me, please!


Sometimes it just takes more “foreplay.” And I’m not just talking about fondling, but the hours and even days leading up to sex.

Talk about it in the morning before he goes off to work. Whisper little sweet things in his ear. Tuck a note in his lunchbox how you aren’t wearing any underwear, or how you just can’t wait for him to come home to you. Think about sex. Plan for it. Look forward to it.

Have a romantic dinner. Spend time getting ready for him. Shower and wear makeup. Put on nice clothes. Remember how you used to prepare for a date back before you married? Do that again.

When he comes home, greet him at the door with a long, languorous kiss. Bring him a small drink – if that’s your custom – but not too much. Alcohol can diminish his abilities. Enjoy that dinner for two with candles and music.

It doesn’t stop when you two make it to the bed room. Take time to undress each other. Light candles. The whole question of “do you do it with the lights on or off” should be answered with a definitely off, but loads of candles lit. You need to see him. He needs to see you. But harsh incandescent lightbulbs can be very unflattering. Scented candles not only give your skin a lovely glow, but can help build sexual tension.

You have to keep your mind in the game. Guys do. When they have sex, they are thinking about sex, not mentally listing all the things they have to do tomorrow or creating a grocery list. Ignore all stray thoughts. Focus your mind on your husband. Think about his needs, and try to drive him wild. The more you keep your mind in the game, the more aroused you will become.

If you still don’t have that “almost there” feeling, encourage him to warm you up with a vibrator.

Sex was easy when we were younger. All anyone had to do was touch a breast or whisper in an ear, and we were about ready to explode. As we age, those hormones are not as active. Sexual enjoyment becomes a little harder, but we make up for that in the relationship department. Mature adults are better at communicating. We can still have a fulfilling sexual relationship, but it does take more time and preparation.

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