He Plays Too Rough

Dear Courage,
I just don’t feel like having sex anymore. My DH is an ass-man. He loves my ass, he’s always grabbing it, pinching it, poking it – to the exclusion of all else. It’s like he doesn’t even remember what foreplay is anymore. It’s like he’s got one setting – hard and fast – and when he’s done, I’m black and blue. What can I do?


Dear Bruised,
When is the last time that you and your DH talked about sex? So many couples enjoy the act, but few ever take time to talk about it. They’ll talk to a friend, a relative, or even an Internet stranger, but not the one they love most!

Talking sex with a partner can be scary. It’s important to use “I” statements, and not “you” complaints. Saying something like “you always hurt me,” or “you don’t turn me on,” can damage a relationship, putting him on the defensive. But stating something as a simple fact opens things up for discussion. So, “I want you to touch my breasts tonight” tells him exactly what you want. If he’s a good boy, he’ll give you what you ask for. If he’s a self-centered jerk, he’ll continue to bite your ass black and blue. Or he could fall somewhere in the middle.

Next time you and your DH are about to have sex, take his hand. Put it on your breast and show him exactly what you want. Maybe he’ll be a quick learner. Maybe not. Maybe you’ll need to play with his nipples to show him how it should feel. Tug him gently, lick his nipples, let your breath flow over them while they’re wet and watch them pucker. And tell him what you are doing, and ask him how he likes it.

And when he does something that you do like – tell him! Go crazy about it. “Oh, man, that feel soooo good!” He’ll do it again. He can’t read your mind. He might not even be good about reading your body language. So, try English – loud and clear.

And the next time he bites you, yelp! If you want him to stop doing that, yelp loudly, flip over onto your back and deny him access to your ass. He’ll learn that if he wants to play, he has to play nicely. Of course, some girls like it rough – sometimes! If so, you’ll have to let him know. “Let’s play nice tonight – but then we can play rough next time. Okay?”

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